Match Makers
by Swifty444
Summary: There once was a boy named Tesla, he had a bad love life and this affected his work There Once was a girl named Mila Rose she had an on and off boyfriend this affected her work as well So that happens when the two angry bosses fix up their trainwrecks?
1. Mila's Story

**Match Makers**

**By ss1998ftw/ Swifty444**

**Characters are Tite Kubo's property**

**Warnings: Adultery (when someone cheats on their partner, when they're unfaithful.), and language.**

_A/N- Dude! Not even one day since I finished my first fan fiction, and I'm off with another story. And it's another crack pairing; I found a fan fiction of these two and spontaneously combusted; I have an ad for this on Deviant art now. I'll admit it was supposed to be a doujinshi; but a fan fiction is easier to explain their feelings with and as always I'll upload some art for the story so… it's all good! Alright so here we go MATCH MAKERS- a TeslaRose Fan Fiction!_

I saw this coming, I really did.

That if I go to work, then to pick up some groceries;

He's already at home having a threesome with some bitches he picked up at Rite-Aid.

But…

For some fucked up little reason I thought,

When he got on his knees and begged for me back;

He meant it.

And that he'd never hurt me the way he did again.

But I was wrong.

For the millionth time in three months,

I get home to some smutty act of sin,

And I'm crying again with eyes red,

And mascara stains on my cheek.

I hate him.

I hate myself.

And I fucking hate, Rite-Aid.

I'm in my car; crying of course; and digging for my car keys. That are buried somewhere deep within my black, Gucci bag. How could that cheating son of a bitch get so many girls to cheat on me with? It was unreal. I bit my lip and shut my eyes tight as the sight of those two girls wrapped around him clouded my vision again. My furiously shacking hands eventually stumbled across the cold metal of the car keys. I took them out and turned my car on; wiping my face one last time before driving in to the night.

I made it to Harribell's in a matter of minutes, I knew I looked a mess when I knocked on the door and she opened it and said "Dear lord! Are you okay Mila?" I frowned a bit. "He broke your heart again didn't he?" She asked caressing my stained cheek, I nodded. "I told you to leave him; once and for all, but you never ever listen." She scolded quietly. "Here." She took my hand and led me into her gorgeous home, "Go wash your face off and put on a pair of my pajamas. I'll call the girls and we can do what we did in high school." I sniffled a bit but smiled back at her, remembering High school times. Then I frowned remembering high school times.

"I used to be a size six in High school!" I sobbed bringing my hands to my face. Harribell rushed to my side and brought my face to hers, she was frowning.

"Mila, you look perfect and you're only a size six and a half now; and that's only after Holidays! So stop it now, it's getting ridiculous." Harribell left me in her room with a point towards the bathroom. "Go change into your size six pants in there and remember to wipe your face." She ordered, closing the door behind her with a click.

I loved Harribell's way of comforting me; it was cold and harsh, but sweet in its intention; like physical therapy. And the best part was that it allowed me to get my heart broken as many times as I wanted and never get soft.

I gently soaked the folded cloth into the warm water, waiting for the towel to absorb all it could. Finally, I took it out of the water and wiped my face, watching the black stains disappear and the redness in my eyes lessen. Once I was done I slipped out of my tight skirt and sweater; replacing them with a loose red and white football jersey, and a pair of short shorts. I walked out of the bathroom after cleaning my mess up and placing my folded clothes on the marble counter next to the sink.

When I opened the door out of Harribell's room and into the kitchen I saw Harribell poking her head in to her freezer while on the phone saying. "Oh and Nell, bring a tub or two of ice cream" I watched as she closed the freezer door. "Yeah, any kind… Alright thank you; bye." Harribell hung up the phone and placed it back onto its small stand. She turned and seemed surprised to see me. "Oh hi Mila-Rose; I take it you're comfortable?"

"Why wouldn't I be, I'm here like, every week." I stated sighing "I'll be on the couch I guess…" I told her as I plopped down on the cushions of the comfortable sofa.

"Good, I'll be changing; call me if you need me." The blonde called heading into her room.

Leaving me all alone,

Holy shit I'm pathetic.

I sighed and took a lock of my wavy brown hair, braiding it slowly as I watched. I hummed as I did this staring hard at my hair. I started to hum louder now. "I've always thought the left was your strongest side but, when it comes to you no, I can't decide. It's only a matter of… time. I need the product of you fears in the form of tears it's the only way I can survive. It breaks my heart to you, cryin' baby it's the only way I'll stay alive. Green eyes, blue skies natural disasters when she cries," I started to sing the words quietly to myself, feeling horrible. "Why can't I find a guy like that?" I cried hugging a pillow tight against my chest.

Suddenly Harribell left her room, I wiped the tears from my face and she looked at me with concern. "It's okay Mila, I'm here." She cooed; wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

Right at that moment; Nell, Cirucci, Sun-Sun, and Apache came through the door; all in pajamas and with tubs of ice cream in hand. Great, just what I needed to get out of my size six pants. I sniffed sitting up, automatically being tackled by Nell.

"Oh Mila-Rose honey; the boy is an idiot! You're beautiful, smart, classy, and tough! No man would reject you in their right mind!" I always loved Nell's compliments, well any compliment was nice but Nell just made it pop.

"Yeah, he's a total prick; just a horny piece of trash!" I also loved Cirucci's insults; when they weren't directed towards me of course.

They all sat down on the couch with me, I was in the middle with Harribell; Nell and Cirucci on my side, and Apache and Sun-Sun on Bell's. "You are very pretty Mila-Rose, I don't understand why it's so difficult for you to find the proper companion." Sun-Sun said playing with her sleeves.

"It's because she can't let go of that loser boyfriend she's got back home; it's really pathetic" The devil said spooning some ice cream into her mouth. God, Apache's such a bitch; thanks to her I'm shoveling ice cream in my mouth and crying like a baby.

"Apache, you could be a bit more supportive; she's in a lot of pain." Cirucci said looking a bit tweaked with the she-devil.

"Yeah" Nell said sportingly "What would you do if you saw your guy having a threesome when you got home from a long hard day of work?" Nell asked. It brought that horrible image back into my brain.

Apache scoffed "First of all, my man is barely a man at all; no one wants him. Second of all; he wouldn't, because he knows I'm stronger than him and that I'm not afraid to kill his sorry ass. Third; if he did I'd kill him, after I made him watch me do his best friend." I almost died, remembering the time I caught him with my best friend from a few years back.

"Yeah right Apache, I highly doubt you'd do that. You're all talk and no walk." Nell said crossing her arms.

"Oh yeah, how much you wanna bet!" Apache dared standing up and facing Nell, with her hands on her thin hips.

"Fuck you! Learn to support a friend; you're not half as tough as you say you are! I could kick your ass-! "

"Stop it you two!" I cried interrupting their argument. "This is stupid; Apache's right, what I'm doing is pathetic; And I think you could've said it better, Apache but you're right; I need to let go…"I said looking at my lap. "B-but it's hard!" I was crying now. "I loved him in High school then when I got into college we had to separate, and then there he is; in a bar all alone and I fall in love again and it ends up so bad! He's a horrible person now… he-"

"He doesn't deserve you." Apache said finishing my sentence, taking her seat once again.

"Yeah…" I squeaked. "He just doesn't,"

We stayed in silence for a few long minutes when suddenly Harribell spoke up. "Well I for one refuse to let you take him back! I'm gunna work as hard as I possibly can to get you a new man." She declared smiling at me with hope in her eyes. "We'll help you get through this."

"Yeah, I know lot's of nice guys!" Cirucci said grinning.

"Mhm and my new neighbor's a cutie!" Nell said wrapping an arm around Cirucci and me.

"Yeah alright sure, whatever. Let's all pretend Mila isn't gunna die alone in some shitty old apartment, with absolutely no style, and no size six pants; all because she couldn't find a steady, loving guy!" I threw the tub of ice cream on the floor along with the spoon and stormed off into the guest room. "What an f.m.l." I muttered into the pillow as I fell in to a deep depressed, sleep.

Little did I know just how serious Harribell was.

_A/N- This is my attempt at a more realistic story, I think it has a pretty boring beginning but I assure you it'll get better. I'd really like reviews for this one. Oh! And Tesla's side to the story is next. And it's a lot better I think._


	2. Tesla's story

Thank you soooo much PockyGhost! You truly are an AMAZING beta!

Match Makers

By Ss1998ftw/ Swifty444

Characters are Tite Kubo's

Warnings: Swearing, obscenely depressed / heartbroken Tesla (S0 he's OOC), and Nnoitra is gross.

Tesla's Point of View

"But I think we should just stay friends."

That phrase kills me every time, but instead of it hurting a little less with every time, it does just the opposite—stabbing the frail organ I call my heart mercilessly and with wild speeds. I hate it; love is such a bitch. It's an endless torture cycle, falling in love with those sweet, ditsy girls and then having them stomp on my heart with those foot high heels they're so fond of.

So when I'm told this I just do the same every time.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, throw the napkin out of my lap, say goodbye, and make sure to flip her off on the way out. I've learned a thing or two from Nnoitra.

And after?

I go home, walking or driving. I cry till my eyes bleed; I scream till my lung burn; I destroy everything in sight. Again, I've learned a lot from Nnoitra.

"GAH! Fuck it! Tesla, you're going to live alone the rest of your poor, miserable, meaningless life! And you know what!" I screamed, staring at myself shirtless and broken in the mirror. "Nnoitra-sama was right! You'll never get a woman! You'll never find love like Fabio* does with every fucking chick he meets on the streets! You're so useless, even the most repulsive of girls can break your heart! OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!" By now I was sobbing and pounding my fists on the mirror's glass. My eyes, fogged with anger and tears, found their way to a romance novel lying on the floor. The cover showed the usual long haired, wicked ripped, tan dude with a total bombshell wrapped around him and looking helplessly in love. I scoffed and swaggered my way towards the book.

"And you, you lying son of a bitch! Stop making me promises you can't keep! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" In a fit of passion I tore up the book's cover and first few pages, twisting the binding into terrible positions. I got on my knees and pulled, tore, crumbled, and twisted every square inch of the book I could. For some reason as I did this I felt my soul shrivel up and die a little inside. I squeezed my eyes shut forcing out cooped up tears. "The whole world fucking HATES me!" I made a sobbing noise. "Especially the women."

It took about fifteen more minutes of my "I had another bad date, so let's fuck up my apartment" time till Nnoitra complained about the noise. I continued nonetheless; by this time I was crashing lamps, puncturing the wall with my fist, and thinking about just shoving my head in an open heater. After about ten seconds of great rebellion towards my boss, he had my ear pinched between his creepy long fingers. He looked really pissed. I didn't care.

"The fuck is this, Tesla! I told you to shut the hell up and what do you do? SMASH A FUCKING LAMP AND PUNCH A HOLE IN THE GOD DAMNED WALL!" He screamed the last part in my ear, but I didn't react; just gave him a blank, frowning sort of expression.

"Well," I started, his hand leaving my ear," I don't give a fuck, NNOITRA! I'm an adult; I have my rights, SO I can do whatever I want in my house, whenever I want, to whatever I want!" I screamed, looking up at him with a scowl. It was surprising to even me—how disrespectful I was being. But I didn't care of course. It was my heart doing the thinking, as well as the talking.

When he grit his teeth and his already slit-y eyes grew smaller and thinner, I suddenly reacted. "WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, OF COURSE! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME NNOITRA-SAMA!" How odd, I seem to remember thinking about committing suicide only about twenty seconds ago. The lanky man slapped me square in the face.

"Tch," He clicked his tongue. "You need to grow a solid pair, Tesla, with bitches like that." Was this man seriously giving me dating advice? This man whom hates every person he meets, what the fuck is going on?  
"Or are you gay?" He asked me.

I pouted at his constant questioning towards my sexual orientation. "Nnoitra-sama, you ask that every time we speak of these things! I even tried being gay; I'm positive I'm not." I answered truthfully. "Why would you even think that?" I asked it to myself, but he answered while snickering and leaning against the wall.

"Well I thought with a cock shoved far down your throat, you'd have less chance of saying something to fuckup the date." He was laughing but I just stared at him in disbelief. How could this man be in charge of me? The scariest part, though, was that it made sense. I shuddered. "Plus," oh no, there was more. "You'd make a good uh… what're they called..?" He pondered on it then blurted out the first thing that made sense. "Girly-gay! Yeah those gays, they're always on bottom and shit," he said triumphantly.

I looked up at the ceiling and made a face. "Yeah, well I still don't know what to do," I slurred, resting my body against the wall and sliding to the floor. My mind was running laps as I just sat there numbly, waiting for it to cross the finish line. Nnoitra hiccupped; he was drunk of course, why else would he help me? Nnoitra was always drunk or hung-over when he complained about noise. He was a man built of sin—he repulsed religious leaders to no end. Damn, speaking of repulsive acts of sin: "I totally need to get laid soon, or my dicks gunna break up with me, too."

Nnoitra made a shocked face. "You're not askin' me to…" he pointed to his nether regions," Y' know, take y' to pound town… are you? 'Cause-"  
I winced. "No, Nnoitra; I'm not gay." I felt my head pound slightly in frustration.

"Ngh," He held his head, groaning. "Yeah, well, I'm afraid I can't help your sex drive, Tesla… besides, I'm too tired." He opened my apartment door going towards the hallway. "Oh, and Tesla?"  
"Yeah?" I asked, lolling my head to look at him.

"You're paying for that hole in the wall, not me," he said plainly. "You know that right?"

"Yes, Nnoitra-sama," I replied.

"Good." He paused to find his keys," Be on time for work tomorrow, or else." Great, just what I needed—threats. I nodded though, and he shut the door.

"I need a drink or two," I said, getting up lazily from the floor towards my un-touched tiny kitchen. I opened one of my "breakup" cabinets and grabbed the first alcohol related bottle and took it to my lips before you could say "depressed, over emotional drinker."

I turned on the TV—some shitty old movie about a kid and his dog was on. Maybe that's what I needed, a Golden Lab with acting skill.

I laid flat on the floor, now pondering on what life was going to bring me. My eyes eventually closed and my body relaxed.

That night I dreamt of a fierce, curvaceous, lion goddess. She was ripping my heart out of my chest.

Oh God, did I know what that meant.

*Fabio- Fabio is an Italian male fashion model who appeared on the cover of hundreds  
of romance novels throughout the 1980s and 1990s.

A/N- Ahh this chapter's short, but then again it's a prologue. Oh and this didn't come out as well as planned.


	3. Chaper 3 Plans

**-Note-**

***Tesla and Mila Rose work in the same building, just in different offices. Mila Rose works in customer services and Tesla works in sales***

The office was quiet as usual; utterly silent except for the occasional whisper and beep of a machine. All was peaceful; until, about nine in the morning when a disheveled looking Mila Rose barged through the door biting her lip. She hesitated for a second before finally addressing her lateness. "Sorry I'm late; I had an issue this morning, ." Mila Rose blushed and ran to her work space giving out her sincerest apologies. No one really minded her much attention, Mila Rose was late at least twice every week lately. Mila Rose sat at her computer staring blankly at the messy state of her desk and sighed, taking a stack of paper as shuffling through to see what was trash and what was needed or useful.

Harribell marched over to the tousled beauty sternly looking her in the eye with a scowl. "We need to talk." She said curtly, gesturing the younger one to stand up and follow as she strutted off to her closed off office. Mila let out and irritated click of the tongue and a growl before following her aggravated Blonde superior.

Mila Rose closed the door behind her and bowed her head in shame. "What is it Hallie? I know I was late again but cut your best friends some slack I was j-"

Harribell interrupted the rambling mess with a sharp "Shush." The older woman put a hand of her curvy hip. "By the end of this year; I am going to find you a man because frankly I'm fed up with this bull shit!" Harribell started. "What happened to the girl who'd scream out 'I'm a diva!' and reject a new boy every day! You used to be the most proud woman on the face of the earth and now because some piece of shit ex boyfriend is history; you're a mess Mila! I want my old Mila back! The one who'd fall and get back up all by herself and in a flash!" Harribell looked her in the eye " And I-" She was interrupted.

"I appreciate the help but, who the hell do you think you are! I have the right to do what ever the fuck I want, be who I want and go where I want! Don't tell me who I was and who I should be! I'm not a baby! I'm a woman with rights!" Mila argued " I'm leaving, I don't need to be treated like this." And she did as she promised, dashing out of the office with grit teeth.

Harribell stayed shocked for a second but soon just sighed. "She'll be back, I know it." She mumbled before taking a seat and flipping through the days agenda.

**In The City**

"That stupid know it all wouldn't know what's good for me if it bit her in the ass," Mila grumbled, making her way through the snowy but crowded streets. "Says she knows best, says I'm a mess; fuck her." Mila Rose kicked some snow off her boots "And fuck the cold too." Pouting Mila Rose shuffled on to the next street looking at her feet.

At the same time Tesla dashed through the city running errands for Nnoitra, dropping off paper after paper. Tesla panted as he spoke worriedly on the phone to his screaming superior. "Nnoitra-Sama I'm speeding as fast as I can! You know, this'd be easier if you didn't make me walk."

"Is that sass!" Nnoitra barked across the phone line.

"N-No sir!" Tesla lied.

"Good! Now get yer ass over here quick before my business partner here busts a tit!" Nnoitra screamed hanging up the phone and turning back to Harribell. "Sorry about that, he'll be here soon and then we can discuss…" Nnoitra paused to think "Whatever you wanna talk about."

Harribell made a fist in annoyance "I'm here about funding and I heard what you said and I'd appreciate not saying such immature and inappropriate things about me."

"Yeah," Nnoitra chuckled, "What ever."

Tesla slipped out of the last building with one less folder to carry. He sighed in irritation "God I don't feel like doing work. But if I have to, might as well do it right. Better make sure I have Nnoitra's papers." Tesla continued to walk shuffling through his papers. Until he bumped into none other than Mila Rose. "Oh my- I'm so sorry!" Tesla said nervously. " I honestly didn't mean to do that!"

Mila Rose smiled briefly. "It's perfectly fine, you obviously had no bad intentions."

Tesla smiled and laughed a little nervously "Y-Yes, thank you; I'm sorry again."

She giggled "It's no problem really," She walked away after dusting herself off slightly, leaving Tesla to follow her with his eyes closely and blushing. "Sweet guy," Mila Rose whispered smiling.

"Damn it she's gorgeous…" Tesla trailed before heading back to work.

"Here are your papers sirs," Tesla looked over to see Harribell "O-Oh excuse me, Miss."

"It's fine." Harribell murmured in a grumpy mood from having to spend such a large amount of time with Tesla's supervisor.

"Tch!" Nnoitra clicked his tongue. You idiot! You got this paper wet!" Nnoitra showed him one of the many pages. "Go dry it and come back with it when you're done!" Nnoitra ordered.

"Yes Nnoitra-Sama" Tesla said respectively before heading out.

"Damn Nnoitra you have that one on a leash," Harribell commented.

Nnoitra rolled his eyes "The things a pussy, he's been acting a fool lately. You wouldn't know."

"Oh yeah? My assistant dashed out of the office today. Try me." Harribell crossed her arms and watched his expression change.

"The boy has a bad love life, no bitch will touch him." Nnoitra laughed "He's pathetic and too sensitive; it's they already have a pussy, they don't need another one."

"That's insane," Harribell scoffed "He seems sweet I really can't imagine why. He probably just needs to find the right girl."

Nnoitra scowled "And what's your assistant's problem?"

"My Mila had an on and off relationship with an old boyfriend and she recently decided to drop him for real, it's been a disaster dealing with her lately. She just wants a decent man." The blonde stated plainly.

Nnoitra laughed "Sounds like we've both got problems to take care of."

Harribell nodded and they sat in silence for a few minutes until Harribell spoke up. "Okay now hear me out Jiruga," Harribell started.

This peeked Nnoitra's attention "Yeah?" he asked hesitantly.

"You hate these meetings, so do I; we spend way too much time speaking about the same thing anyway so how about we use this time to help each other out with our problems?" she suggested.

"Like some kinda therapy? No way." Nnoitra waved his hand dismissing the idea.

"No you idiot. More like plotting," Now she was trying to lure him in.

"Plotting huh? Explain." Nnoitra looked over her expression.

"Well, we'd monitor our assistants and then at the end of every week, we'd come back here and tell each other what went down. Once we're both done sharing what happened we can plot out ways to get them dates." Harribel explained.

"Okay, I'm in." Nnoitra said let out a sly smirk "Let's get our assistants laid."

Harribell let out an annoyed sigh "Yeah, whatever." She took his extended hand and shook it in agreement.

"Sweet, then it's agreed." Nnoitra said letting go of her hand.

"And we don't tell them anything, okay?" Harribell gave him a serious look.

"Sure." Nnoitra shrugged and agreed.

Suddenly Tesla made his way in with a freshly dried page. "I'm sorry it took so long Nnoitra sir," Tesla lifted his head panting "I ran into a game of monkey in the middle." He handed Nnoitra the paper.

"You're second in command! Show some fucking decency!" Nnoitra scolded. "Now tell 'em to quit it now or I'll kick all their asses into next week!"

"Y-yes sir!" Tesla shuffled towards the door and nervously made his way back into the office.

"There, we can start the meeting now," Nnoitra said handing her the last paper.

"Good," She said. And the two began their work.


End file.
